A day in my life: Wednesday March 24th 2010

Thoughts:
Writer’s can have a writer’s block but is there something like a runner’s block or workout block?

Today I went for a run. Plan in my schedule was 7K but when I went outside I decided to do 5K and ended up doing 3.9K. It seems like I’ve lost my mojo for running or working out. Nothing goes well, everything is a struggle, it isn’t fun.

I even had to walk 5 times during my run today. I was surprised afterwards that my average time/speed wasn’t slower than this. I’m losing my confidence that I can do this, it seems like I’m back where I started. Sunday I have a 5K run and on April 18th a 10K run but right now I don’t know if I can do this. I’m afraid of ending last again or that I have to walk during the run. Sunday the time limit for finishing is 45 minutes. What if I don’t make it and they take me off the course.

I know that I’m not my usual self. I miss my dog so much. Life isn’t that fun right now, I smile on the outside, pretend I’m okay. But she’s the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. I know it takes time and it will come back but it sure affects my running. I have no idea how long this will take, guess I’ll have to take it day by day.

I will try to run a 5K on Friday, if that goes terrible too I might decide not to run this race on Sunday.

The show yesterday was okay. We’ve seen this group before and it wasn’t surprising or new. We decided we won’t go seeing them again.

Exercise:

Stats:
Weather: 19 ˚C/66 degrees, cloudy, nice weather.
Distance: 3.9K / 2.4 miles
Time: 0:28:02
Average time: 7:11 /km
Average speed: 8.3 km/hour

What’s for dinner:
Yesterday: pasta

Today some beef meat, baked potatoes and carrots with green peas.

Daily Tip/Quote:
It’s so curious:  one can resist tears and ‘behave’ very well in the hardest hours of grief.  But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer… and everything collapses.
Colette

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16 responses to “A day in my life: Wednesday March 24th 2010

  1. Dear Fran,
    I am sorry that you lost your mojo. As you pointed out, I believe that this is all part of the grieving process and I would be surprised if you didn’t feel sad or drained of energy. Take care, be gentle with yourself. Do what you feel will bring you joy and happiness at this time. I trust that as the days go by, your energy and vitality will return a little bit each day and you will find your mojo again soon.

    XOXO Diane

  2. I am sorry to hear of the passing of your pet you have my smypathy. Just do what you can right now in regards to exercise and don’t judge yourself to hard or give up. Take care of yourself now.

  3. I agree with Diane. Honey, you’re grieving. If that’s not going to make you feel sore and short of breath, I don’t know what is. Be kind to yourself right now. Don’t draw any conclusions on your fitness level. You shouldn’t be making any important decisions right now. You will bounce back eventually. You just need to give yourself some more time.

    ((((Hugs)))) I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better.

  4. it’s ok to feel this way Fran. It’s going to take time. It’s been a year and a half since my dad passed and I still think of him and shed tears everyday.

    Your dog was a part of the family and now there is a piece missing, it’s ok to be sad and take things one day at a time.

    Hugs to you , thinking of you my friend.

  5. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, the others are right – grieving does take a lot of time.

    Hugs.

  6. You need your time to grieve. Family pets are more then just an animal. When you run on Friday run for her and see if that helps. I am sure she wants to see you smile from the clouds!

  7. I’m sorry you had a suck run. It is so discouraging! But hang in there – another good run is around the corner…and don’t let what happened today stop you from doing the run on Sunday. You will be fine for that one – after all, you have a bib with your name printed on it!

    Now, about Roussy. The grieving process doesn’t end just because we *think* it should. It takes as long as it takes, even if you try to put on a brave face to the outside world. I wish I could help you feel better – I was in your shoes in 2006 when our sweet Jackie, who we had had for nearly 15 years, died. What was so awful was coming home after work and not having that happy little face greeting us. Not having someone who would follow you around the house, always ready for playtime or a cuddle. It didn’t matter to her – she just wanted to be with us. And I know that is what makes it so hard to be without Roussy.

    We said no more pets after Jackie died. But three months later, we couldn’t stand it anymore and ended up with Paco. Something to consider down the road.

    Hugs, big comforting hugs, to you, Fran.

  8. {{Hugs}} Grief for a pet is so hard. When we lost our 18 year old cat a year ago, I cried so much for weeks. I would be fine, then I would just cry for no reason. It’s very normal and you just have to let yourself go through it. Animals are a large part of our lives and when they are gone, it is a very large hole that is left.

    Run days are good and bad. At least you did some, so give yourself credit for that!

  9. First of all I am so sorry for your loss. It is definitely going to take some time to deal with this and I’m not surprised you are struggling with running. Running is often difficult when we’re in the happiest of times. I think it’s awesome that you are still running. Give yourself time to get back to where you were. Be gentle and good to yourself during this time. Again, I’m sorry for your pain. Animals work their ways into our hearts and are forever part of them.

  10. Fran, I am sorry you are having such a hard time. It will get better, but as you know it will take time. Hugs.

  11. Sorry to hear about it! I totally understand! I will be thinking of you and hoping that you start to feel your mojo coming back!!

  12. onelittlejill

    I love your bright and shiny page Fran!

    As for not feeling bright and shiny…there is not timeline for grief. It is personal and takes time. Losing your dog was tragic and you need to process the process. Let it out 🙂

    Sending hugs ❤

  13. Oh Fran – First of all I’m so sorry to hear about Roussy. I’m a little behind on my blog reading these days. I can’t imagine how difficult this time must be for you. The loss of a family pet is heart breaking.

    I also agree with the others – your loss of mojo must be related to your grieving. I do know that you CAN do it. Just give yourself time.

    Tiffany

  14. This is a hard time for you, I know. I hope that you can push through though and stay diligent with exercise because it’s really a saving grace for stress and loss. You can do this, you are strong! Don’t give in to the fatigue. Try to fight it a bit. Walking is perfectly fine!
    Hugs.

  15. I’m so sorry you’re struggling right now, but I think it is normal after a loss, not to feel like doing anything. It is important to keep exercising because that is one of the most effective ways to improve your mood, but you can cut yourself some slack about how hard and fast you run. Go at the pace that feels comforatble and don’t worry about how often you need to walk. Once you feel better you will be able to get back up to your previous level of fitness, even if it seems hopeless right now. Big hugs, Fran!

  16. Hello my friend
    Am back in Germany which means I will be in touch more often.
    I didnt have access to the internet for the last week and a bit in SA, but did have twitter on my cellphone so kept that updated, now read you given up facebook and twitter and those were the two area’s I could leave messages from phone, wondered why I got no replies from you.

    I ran during my holiday – my last run was yesterday in Pretoria…was a hard run as its high altitude there compared to Cape Town – I ran down hills and flats and had to walk uphills as my heart rate as so so high running there.
    You will get your mojo back…its just a phase you in at the moment, you are moaning the loss of a family member…a child!!!
    Take care of yourself…
    Don’t be to hard, love yourself through this time…
    Will chat soon…xx

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